To recap from Part 1, the Disfavored personality shows behavior that is under Emotional dominance and lacks policing by the Intellectual faculties. Typical of the Disfavored personality is thinking and behavior that either lacks Social Maturity along the Depression/Anxiety spectrum such as in depression, bipolar disorder and anorexia. Alternatively, the Disfavored person may express their discontent through acts of Social Deviance along the Anger/Anxiety spectrum. Thinking that is under the influence of Depression/Anxiety or Anger/Anxiety provides most of the answer to WHY the decisions, thought processes and conclusions of the Socially Immature or Socially Deviant individual lead to unacceptable behavior.
The next step to understanding WHY unwarranted behavior takes place is that when Social Deviance (Anger + Anxiety) takes over, the person brings creativity, ingenuity and available Intellectual resources into play. Particularly when threatened or confronted with social consequences, Anxiety is heightened, causing the perpetrator to try to summon their Intelligence to make “sense” of their unsavory behavior! As the behavior unfolds, there is increasing desperation to rationalize it. Lacking proper socialization that should have moderated thinking and behavior through integrating the Intellectual and Emotional functions from childhood, the person begins to delve into the murky area of trying to use their Intellectual powers to rationalize their irrational behavior. To this end, to justify their actions, they face us with nonsensical explanations and excuses that come from faulty reasoning. The same is true for Social Immaturity, or Depression/Anxiety-based behavior. It makes no rational sense, such as when an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a reflection that is clearly distorted and tries to make sense of their much diminished size by insisting that they are still too heavy. The same is true when a person who is obsessed with locking the door says they had to keep returning to lock it to make sure it was properly locked, or that their mother would die if they should step on a crack in the sidewalk. The behavior is clearly nonsense, but spurred by the Depression and Anxiety that lurks below it, it is a forced attempt at explanation!
As therapists we can surmise there was trauma during development that prevented the Emotions from becoming properly interlaced with Intelligence that would have equipped the person with well-founded, logical reasoning skills in order to help them make better choices for their behavior. They are missing the influence of Intellectual adult-style, reason-based judgment that could have censored the Emotion-driven behavior before it occurred! But much to the dismay of society and even the poorly behaved person themselves, the actions just “break through,” bypassing Intellectual censorship. The behavior seems inexplicable and even feels “foreign” to the perpetrator themselves, who may be well aware that they’ve done it, but strangely, find it hard to believe they did! On one level, the Emotional, they may know they wanted to perform the socially unacceptable act. But on another level, the Intellectual, they feel they didn’t really intend for it to happen, or feel as if they were not in charge when it did happen and truly regret that they did it. But unfortunately, because the urge was so powerful, it overtook them and they were compelled to obey its command. Having come this far however, they find themselves stuck in a situation where they need to save face. Yes, at the moment of confrontation they are fully aware of the the destruction of the deed itself, the people involved and the consequences for themselves. But as mentioned in another context as well, the person truly does not “know” or have an Intellectual grasp of where the ideas or thoughts behind their actions originated since they came directly out of their under-socialized Emotions, drives and instincts – the unsophisticated “belly” source we spoke about in Part 1. One might label the source as the “unconscious” even though the person was fully cognizant of the act, may claim full responsibility and sincerely regret the deed.
This style of internal conflict and bewilderment as to the source of behavior, and the need to justify it by whatever means possible, is typical of a Disfavored child and adult. It is the reason that, if we persist in asking a poorly socialized, deviant, immature child or Disfavored adult WHY they committed a certain bad behavior – such as when a child hits a sibling, a teenager steals a car or a criminal performs illegal acts, or if on the Depression side of the spectrum, are afraid of going outside, too nervous to write an exam or refuse to eat, they often respond with their famous but exasperating: “I don’t know!” True, we may be seething with our own Anger and frustration because we are unsettled by what they do or “choose” to do. But we should understand that they themselves are baffled and that logical reasoning plays no part in their motivation! Actually knowing WHY they did it, or understanding their motivations would have engaged their Intellectual function, which was NOT operative at the time they acted. As their professionals, parents and superiors, rather than persist in asking WHY the behavior took place or attributing it to a lack of conscience or sheer stupidity, we should realize they are telling the truth in that they really don’t “know” where their urge or motivation came from, but just acted impulsively as they “felt,” following the dictates of their drives, instincts, urges and Emotions robotically, automatically and without concern for the consequences of their actions at the time, or the effect they might have on others! Now they are charged with finding reasons for the behavior, bizarre as those reasons may be and must draw on their Intellectual resources to get out of their embarrassing predicament!!
