• A GUIDE TO FAMILY DYNAMICS •
Welcome to
SECRET LOVE IN PARENTING
or
SLIP Psychology
Do you understand your child’s behavior? SLIP psychology reveals an enormous gap in communication between parents and children.
As never before, SLIP exposes parental love as the key factor that determines child behavior. After fifty years of study through four generations, Vera Rabie, Doctor of Psychology, discovered that the Child Mind is VERA RABIE, D.Psy.
discovered that the Child Mind is based on a hidden economy of LOVE. This distribution of LOVE is central to a child’s world. But unfortunately makes little sense to adults!
If you ask your child “WHY are you acting up and being so annoying?”, SLIP psychology answers the way the Child Mind thinks: I’M UPSET BECAUSE YOU LOVE MY SIBLING MORE THAN ME!
SLIP psychology recognizes that every child instinctively competes with their next born sibling for more parental LOVE. We easily dismiss this as “normal” SIBLING RIVALRY. However, whether they show it or not, children are at ALL times competing with their next born sibling over parental LOVE.
Unaware of this, parents inevitably direct MORE LOVE or FAVOR at the sibling who is showing positive social behavior. This creates a hidden dynamic of FAVORITISM where the better behaved child receives MORE LOVE or FAVOR for their behavior, while the less well-behaved child receives LESS LOVE or relative DISFAVOR.
But adults need to know that both the good and bad child are acting this way because they are each, in their own way, seeking more parental LOVE. By their good and bad behavior, they are constantly trying to secure more LOVE than their rival sibling.
So how should parents distribute their LOVE to see the best results in their children’s behavior?
SLIP psychology rejects the idea that humans, like animals, respond to behavioral control, discipline or even tangible rewards. Instead, it introduces the idea that humans respond to LOVE.
SLIP recommends that when a child misbehaves, parents should change their attitude toward their misbehaving child. They should adopt a Change of Heart attitude to reverse Favoritism. That is, they should begin to SHOW MORE LOVE TOWARD THEIR BADLY BEHAVED CHILD!
This shift in parental attitudes inevitably achieves immediate improvement in a difficult child’s behavior. It provides proof that the SLIP approach to child psychology is correct. It shows that the child’s opposition was due to their jealousy of their sibling’s favored status. It shows that parents’ attitudes, and NOT the child’s innate stubbornness or DNA led to the child’s undesirable behavior. It also shows that efforts at behavioral control are NOT the correct strategy, but that the correct strategy is to respect and follow the child’s instinctual need to secure parental love. Finally it shows that behavior is NOT the key to understanding the motivations in the Child Mind.
The author’s 50 years of research and experience shows that insufficiency of parental LOVE or Disfavored status in comparison with a Favored next-born sibling continues into adult life and is the reason behind the polarity we see in the personalities and behavior of all first and second-born siblings.
Her work demonstrates that Favoritism is the hidden cause of most psychological and social distress, leading to problems such as mental illness, substance abuse, criminality and even suicide.
*To read more, see the four phases of SLIP psychology.
*Also refer to the Blogs for real-life case studies using SLIP psychology.
ABOUT VERA RABIE, DOCTOR OF PSYCHOLOGY
I obtained my BA at McGill University, and Doctor of Psychology from the University of Montreal. I later worked in long and short term mental health settings, adult corrections, youth corrections, education, employee assistance and private practice.
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