DOLF introduces a new domain in psychology called The Mind Of A Child, where behavior is governed by Emotions. This domain functions very differently from the Adult Mind, which relies on Intellectual logic and reason. Imagine dividing the body at the neck. At the beginning of life, when we are babies or little children and we don’t have much knowledge about the world around us, the commands for action come from the Emotions or “gut” below the neck. Gradually over time they become integrated with our Intellectual functions of knowledge and adaptation to our surroundings and commands for thinking, decision-making and reality-based actions come from above the neck, or in the head. So in our early lives as children, with only Emotions to guide our behavior, there is uncontrolled, unrefined behavior such as poor manners, lack of consideration for others, poor social judgement. At this stage we find either social aggression and selfishness or social reticence, excessive fear or shyness. When we move toward our teenage and adult years there is increasing control over the Emotions by the Intellectual faculties, causing thinking and behavior to slowly become more reasoned, refined and socially conforming to adult standards of propriety.
In DOLF there are 3 negative Emotions: Anxiety, Depression and Anger. Anger and Depression have long been know to be opposite poles. While Anxiety always accompanies the other two, it can also exert an influence on its own. When a child feels Less Loved or Disfavored compared with a sibling, these three negative Emotions are aroused in abundance. In one scenario of Disfavor where Depression and Anxiety take over, we observe behavior that is directed inward against the self. Such for example is a child who cries easily, whines, is clingy, seems chronically discontented, socially withdrawn, or too shy. Behaviorally to us this child may seem socially Immature. In a second scenario where a child feels Disfavored, their Anger plus Anxiety can be directed outward against others, leading to more socially aggressive or even socially deviant behavior such as temper tantrums, hitting, shouting, manipulating, lying, demanding or vengefulness. A third possible behavioral outlet for the Disfavored child is when Anxiety alone takes over, leading to behaviors such as nervousness, clinginess, school phobia, fearfulness, repetitive behaviors, overactivity or other frequently applied childhood diagnoses such as ADHD or OCD.
These three types of Emotional interference with behavior – Depression/Anxiety, Anger/Anxiety or Anxiety alone – are aroused when Emotionally disruptive events interfere with psychological development, such as loss or separation from parents or familiar places, abuse or bullying. DOLF psychology maintains that, unreasonable though it may seem to us, in the Mind of a Child, Disfavored status compared with a sibling is by far the most pressing cause of Emotional imbalance. It is Disfavor and the sense of LOSS of social grace and dignity in the home of origin that is the hidden irritant that stirs up ALL three negative Emotions in full force. The Disfavored position is the most predictable determinant of aberrant personality development and behavior. From there, any additional sources of stress or trauma that a child may encounter throughout childhood and teenhood, such as separation from loved ones or bullying, only exacerbate the original personality structure that began in the Family of Origin with Disfavor compared with the Favored adjacent sibling.
As per the DOLF formula, in any normal two-sibling family, one always turns out Favored and the other Disfavored. This is due to each child’s instinctive desire to HOG ALL the available LOVE without compromise. In fact, almost all types of psychological decompensations, such as mental illness, substance abuse, criminality or suicide are the result of exactly the same Favoritism dynamics. Some cases may have more extreme outcomes. For example, there are numerous criminals whose behavior, when under a DOLF lens, becomes understood as rooted in jealousy, envy and basic SIBLING RIVALRY with a Favored adjacent sibling. This happens because Anger is the main Emotion aroused, and remains unresolved. Though undeclared and unstudied, SIBLING RIVALRY seems to have have played a significant role in a multitude of serious crimes. The case of Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is the most popular one that was described in another blog, where Ted had many times complained about his brother David’s better looks, height and poise, and later expressed his rage through random murders.
Close scrutiny shows there are countless other stories of criminals that are easily explained if one focuses on Favoritism as the main precipitating issue. In all these cases there was one socially well-adjusted, well loved adjacent sibling who was Favored, but “hiding in plain sight”. Among these are Alvin Bud Brown, Roy Jack Spillman, Ted Kimble, Tyler Hadley, Alan Hruby, Edward Chen, Kevin Duck, Richard Ellerbee and Hannah Keim. Unfortunately, the Favored siblings are often not brought into the reports on these stories in order to protect their identities. But by virtue of available biographies and reporting of the crimes, all these criminals were Disfavored and had a Favored sibling next to them who was raised in the same household with the same set of parents and under the same conditions. In all these cases the Favored sibling of the criminal grew up to became the law-abiding citizen. Since thus far Disfavor is an unknown psychological dynamic, news reports focus on the tragedy of the crime itself, the court proceedings and whether the punishments fit the crimes.
In sum, when we consider the Mind of a Child, Favored or Disfavored status in the Family of Origin is the most critical, life-altering factor that preoccupies a child every moment of their lives and is the main drive behind ALL their personality development and behavior! When we observe social Immaturity in the child of an otherwise normally functioning household, we should suspect that Disfavor is the reason that this child or teenager is suffering from Depression/Anxiety due to their position of Disfavor. Also, when we observe social deviance, this should be our clue that the child is suffering from feelings of Disfavor where the Anger/Anxiety stream of Emotions has been aroused. Anxiety too can appear through purely Anxiety-related symptoms such as nervousness, fears, phobias, tics and obsessions. These reactions are all outcomes of poor integration of the Emotions with the Intellectual faculties during the period of growth and development and are due to the mental/emotional disruption of falling into a position of DISFAVOR compared with the next born sibling in the Family of Origin!
Continued in: Why On Earth Did You Do It? – Part 2
