DOLF Theory is built around a new base of knowledge that uncovers the way the Mind of a Child works. A basic tenet of DOLF is that there is an enormous difference between the Mind of a Child and the Adult Mind. Understanding this difference provides new insight into children’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We run into serious trouble if we fail to take these differences into account and treat our children as though their minds and behaviors follow our adult guidelines. Once we recognize children’s thinking as separate from ours, we begin to recognize the reason for the gaps in our communication with them. We can gear our actions and reactions to respond appropriately to their needs and avoid evoking their negative feelings of Anxiety, Depression and Anger. As well, we can begin to better understand our own mental development since we were all once children, and better treat mental problems.
The first step is to recognize that the human psyche is divided into two main areas of functioning: EMOTIONAL, and INTELLECTUAL.
Beginning from birth, children’s thoughts, feelings and behavior are guided by the first domain, the Emotional. We can imagine that Emotional thinking occurs below the neck, or in the “gut”. With growth and development we place increasing priority on our logic and reasoning skills to guide our thoughts, feelings and behavior. The transformation from the Mind of a Child to the Adult Mind takes place during adolescence around the ages of 13 to 15. We gradually grow out of our childish ways of thinking and behaving and experience a period of change and turmoil that naturally leads to some Emotional upset. However, this confusion is temporary and tends to settle down in most people after a few years. By adulthood, thinking and behavior are largely guided by the second domain of Intellectual power, or cognition, so we can imagine that Adult Mind functions above the neck in our head and brains.
Now we can consider what faculties are available to a newborn baby to manage their thoughts and feelings. How is a child supposed to deal with and respond to the new world that suddenly confronts them? Intellectual capability is certainly physically available because children are born with a working brain. However, higher cognition or knowledge about the real world around them is still just a raw potential that needs to grow with time and experience. We can imagine the new brain cells are empty and waiting to soak up new knowledge, experience and information. Intellectual functioning is ready and waiting to develop.
In the meantime, while Intelligence is still growing and developing, from the moment of birth the EMOTIONS alone are functioning in full force! We know that children are born with the full capability to feel the entire range of human EMOTIONS. How do we know this? There is evidence of ANXIETY when children show shyness, fear of strangers or have nightmares. We know they are capable of sadness or DEPRESSION because they cry or sulk when they miss their love objects, such furry pets, blankets, or parents. We know that children feel ANGER when they throw tantrums or protest when they don’t get what they want. We also know that children feel LOVE because they hug and kiss their pet stuffed animals, become attached to human love objects, and have difficulty separating from them.
Time, age and experience bring about a slow integration or intertwining of the EMOTIONAL functions with the growing INTELLECTUAL functions. Picture this process as a double helix or DNA strand with its ladder-like structure. With the passage of time, age and experience Emotions and Intelligence gradually become indelibly entwined and interdependent. It is a process that results in a unique PERSONALITY for each individual, and each PERSONALITY is associated with specific BEHAVIORS.
Through the course of life then, we progress from EMOTION-BASED urges and drives as children, through adolescence, to increasingly INTELLIGENCE-BASED thoughts and behavior. So we may say that:
THE PROCESS OF PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT CONSISTS OF THE INTERTWINING OR GRADUAL AMALGAMATION OF THE EMOTIONS WITH INTELLECTUAL FUNCTIONING.
This means that, because we start off guided by our Emotions as children, we are LESS RATIONAL or even IRRATIONAL in our feelings, thoughts and behavior at the beginning of our lives. As we grow older and gain experience, we gradually move to more Intellectually-guided, rational modes of thinking and behaving that take better account of the world around us with respect to restrictions on our behavior such as social rules, consideration of the feelings others, taking note of time, schedules, money, duties and obligations, etc. In other words, through the amalgamation of our Emotional with Intellectual powers, by the time we finally reach adulthood and our double helix of Emotions and Intelligence has evolved, we should have access to JUDGEMENT AND REASONING SKILLS.
Although it may seem obvious, it is very important for adults to consider that the faculties of JUDGEMENT, REASONING and KNOWLEDGE OF THE REAL WORLD are ALL LACKING IN CHILDREN!
Given this backdrop, let us contemplate what happens when there are bumps or kinks in our simulated DNA strand, or chain of growth. How will the combining of Emotions with Intelligence be impacted by positive, loving experience or unpleasant, negative experiences during growth, and what will be the final effect of these events on personality and behavior? Of most impact are the upsetting life experiences to which anybody might be subject throughout their lifetime. Because life is never perfect, nobody is immune to such experiences or incidents in their everyday life. For some it may be more true, and for some less so. Negative experiences may take place as casual incidents such as minor requests that are not fulfilled such as wanting a toy or a candy. Others may concern major changes, such as of school, location, language, or country, or more serious setbacks such trauma, separation from loved ones, verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse, bullying, deaths or accidents. These incidents will shape and influence the total personality, making it unique for each individual. In general, the MORE negative bumps and kinks in the developmental chain or double helix, the MORE disruption there will be in both Emotional and Intellectual development, and the MORE INSTABILITY there will be in the personality. An accumulation of such events will lead to an increase in the chances of mental breakdown of any sort later in life. Conversely, the LESS such bumps and kinks there are in the chain of events during growth, the LESS disruption there will be in development, and the MORE STABILITY there will be in personality and mental status, and a reduction in the chances that mental breakdown of any sort will occur in later life.
