DOLIF stands for the DISTRIBUTION OF LOVE IN FAMILIES.
VERA RABIE, Doctor of Psychology
uncovered a new psychological domain called the Mind of a Child that changes our understanding of the human mind.
DOLIF is like a stream of consciousness that follows Emotions instead of intellect because that is how children think. After 40 years of observation, independent research and personal experience raising children, this author came upon a subtle but shocking finding: that some children are actually MORE LOVED by their parents than others! She discovered that there is a secret underground economy of LOVE in every family where children clamor for FAVOR from their parents, and parents end up LOVING or FAVORING some of their children more than others!
DOLIF theory proposes that PARENTAL FAVOR or LOVE, and DISFAVOR or LACK OF LOVE, are the KEYS to personality development and behavior, and that FAVORITISM has enormous repercussions for mental illness, substance abuse, criminality and more.
Naturally, FAVORITISM is vitally linked with SIBLING RIVALRY!!
The FAVORITISM paradigm goes like this: Regardless of your birth order and even if you are a twin, if you attracted more LOVE from your parents than your next born sibling, you developed a FAVORED personality and turned out gentle, compliant, and socially adaptive. But if your parents LOVED YOU LESS than your sibling, you became Emotionally stressed and developed a DISFAVORED personality infused with Anxiety, Depression and Anger.
For the first time in psychology, DOLIF theory prescribes a remedy for mental disorders. It starts by analyzing FAVORITISM among the first two siblings, and continues throughout the sibline of children to find out which child is MORE LOVED or FAVORED, and which one is short-changed and LESS LOVED or DISFAVORED. Parents are then advised to direct MORE LOVE to their LESS FAVORED child. When parents change their attitude and find more LOVE in their hearts for their less LOVED, difficult child, this DISFAVORED child’s behavior miraculously improves!
So incredible as it may sound to us, if you ask your difficult child “WHY are you being so annoying and behaving badly?”, within the scope of their Mind of a Child their answer is: “I’m upset because YOU LOVE MY BROTHER/SISTER MORE THAN ME!!” (See DOLIF THEORY to read more.)
