This is the case of a 22-year-old woman with a serious phobia of mice. She was referred by her boyfriend who was worried that her mental problems were becoming so disruptive that they were leading to physical injuries. She was having nightmares in which she dreamt there were mice crawling all over her, and would wake up screaming. More recently, her night terrors were increasing in intensity. They had reached a point where, on a couple of occasions in a state of half sleep, she had jumped out of bed, grabbed some kitchen implements, and begun to swat herself all over her body to get rid of the critters, causing severe bruises. Previous to coming for mental health treatment, she had broken a rib and had to be taken to emergency, although the final referral to therapy had come from her boyfriend’s employer.
On first meeting the young woman she expressed that, other than her phobia causing problems at night, she felt very well adjusted and comfortable in her personal and professional life during the day. She mentioned she did not want to embark on a prolonged, in-depth therapy, but specifically asked for treatment using only behavioral methods. I agreed, and we set about building a hierarchy of imaginary situations to systematically desensitize her from her fear of mice. In passing, I inquired about her background, to which she commented that she was very pleased with the decision she had made about a year ago to come to live in our big city. She had found a job in computer technology that she enjoyed, and met a wonderful boyfriend who was very warm and caring toward her. She was from an ethnic background and her parents, who spoke little English, owned a convenience store in her hometown, and she noted her phobia started when she once had witnessed a nest of mice at the back of the store. At one point in our conversation her gaze turned downward, and it was obvious she became sad. When asked why, she related that her father had recently had a stroke and become disabled, and her mother was now alone to carry the burden of caring for her two younger sisters, helping her disabled husband and managing the store alone. It was obvious that besides feeling sad about her father’s sudden downturn, she sympathized with her mother’s plight of having to work so hard, and felt helpless to support her, especially with having to look after her two little sisters, whom she described as very naughty.
Now suspecting that her mother was her Prime Love Giving parent, I turned our conversation to the mother-daughter relationship. Always watching her reactions and giving her plenty of time to reflect, I expressed my empathy about how badly she must be feeling for having left her mother on her own to cope with her father, as well as her pesky younger sisters. We spent about half an hour discussing how she herself was such a great source of help, love and support to her mother and the family, and how difficult it must be for her mother to manage without her.
In my mind I surmised, though I did not say so directly, that she was the Favored child of her mother, the PLG, and I honed in on this deep relationship. The crux of the therapy seemed to come in the second session when I explained to this young woman that she harbors an intense attachment to her mother, and reciprocally, that her mother holds a strong loving bond with her. We discussed the sadness they both shared at their separation, and I emphasized how much her mother probably misses her now too. The recognition that her mother missed her too, and bringing this loving connection to the forefront, brought her close to tears and although she became quiet, solemn and shed a few tears, she resisted the urge to cry openly.
This client did not return for a third session. I worried about her because she seemed to be holding on to so much sadness, so I telephoned her at home, but receiving no answer after several tries, I left messages. The following week she called to apologize for not returning my phone calls, and said she and her boyfriend had participated in a weekend-long fundraising marathon, after which everyone had camped outside. She mentioned this was something she would never have attempted to do previously, but felt surprisingly comfortable to spend the night outdoors. She said she had slept through soundly and had not experienced any nightmares since our last meeting. I felt that the key to her seemingly miraculous turnabout had been, as per DOLIF theory, touching on and acknowledging the deep LOVE between herself as a Favored child and her Prime Love Giving mother, and resolving her deep sadness around the loss of that connection.
