The story of Creation in the Judeo-Christian bible is reviewed here not because it is part of religion, but mainly as an example of a 4-person family where serious Emotional problems arose. According to Genesis, the Lord created the first man Adam, and his wife, Eve. The couple bore two sons, Cain and Abel, and interestingly, the two sons behaved exactly the way DOLF Theory would predict for any two-child family.
DOLF, the Distribution Of LOVE in Families, brings to light an invisible LOVE force that parents hand down to their children. Imagine this LOVE force the way Michelangelo depicted it in his famous painting of Creation, where the Lord transfers His LOVE to Adam to nurture and sustain him for the rest of his life.
Like the LOVE that the Lord gave to Adam, parents hand down precious LOVE to every child. In DOLF, this LOVE becomes the most powerful force in the person’s life.
Although it is challenging for adults to understand, the quantity and quality of LOVE a child reaps from their parents in comparison with their next born sibling sets up their entire Emotional structure. In DOLF psychology the way you were treated inside your first family as to whether you MORE LOVED or LESS LOVED than your next born sibling, shapes ALL your feelings, actions, reactions, opinions, attitudes, ideas, ability to LOVE or not to LOVE – in short, ALL your personality, behavior and mental wellbeing for a lifetime.
The bible story is a poignant illustration of DOLF theory. Adam and Eve raised Cain and Abel in the Garden of Eden, and when the boys reached their teenage years, Cain became a vegetable farmer, while Abel tended sheep in the pastures. Everything went well until one day when the Lord asked for a sacrifice from the boys. Younger brother Abel sacrificed the best of his animals and found Favor in the eyes of his Lord. But older brother Cain only offered the second best of his crop, selfishly keeping the finest for himself. As a result, the Lord honored Abel by accepting his sacrifice, but rejected Cain’s. Yet even though Cain did NOT offer the best of his crop he felt he had been treated unfairly and was filled with raw, uncontrolled rage and Anger. He was overcome with grief and jealousy of his brother.
We all work to WIN our parents’ LOVE, but in DOLF Theory, we do this with the ultimate goal of outdoing our next born sibling. Naturally if there is no sibling, there will be no rivalry. But if there is a sibling born before or after ourselves, they instantly become our competitor. It is the start of a SIBLING RIVALRY that will last throughout our lifetime. We are overcome with jealousy, and driven by our human instinct, we spontaneously plunge into a rivalrous frenzy so intense that it is almost impossible for our parents to imagine.
The problem arises because parents do not recognize that SOME CHILDREN ARE MORE SKILLED AT ATTRACTING LOVE while others are LESS SKILLED, and parents end up finding the children who are able to attract their LOVE more appealing, and let the others fall by the wayside.
The mere fact that Cain and Abel were born next to each other meant they were natural rivals for their Lord’s LOVE. But when one sacrifice was accepted and the other rejected, the boys’ RIVALRY was intensified to the [point where they were plunged into a bitter, competitive fever that in effect became a WAR. From their immature perspectives in their world, and from their Mind of a Child frame of reference, they were convinced that the Almighty FAVORED or LOVED Abel MORE, but that Cain was comparatively LESS LOVED or Disfavored.
Did the Almighty actually LOVE Abel more and Cain less? DOLF explains that in any 2-child family, the personality of the sibling who is FAVORED is typically docile, easy-going and socially compliant, and that ultimately, their behavior seems more mature, sensitive, adaptive, generous and likable to adults. We can assume that those were Abel’s characteristics and that they were opposite to his brother’s character traits that were not as socially desirable or likeable, and did not include generosity of spirit or social empathy. Therefore, on the basis of the behavior and personality traits of these boys we can say that the Lord did in fact LOVE Abel more than his brother. We can even suppose that Abel’s parents, Adam and Eve, LOVED him more too because of his more socially appealing, lovable and loving personality. On the other hand, because Abel occupied the Favored position in the duo, DOLF tells us we can presume that his next born brother, on sensing he was LESS LOVED or DISFAVORED. would be upset about this, and develop a personality plagued with Anxiety, Depression and Anger. This we know was true of Cain, who later flew into a jealous rage, and took his wrath out against his younger brother, killing him. Abel himself had done nothing to irk his brother. Yet Cain reacted with Anger and rage in response to what he perceived as the Lord’s preferential treatment of his younger brother.
(Continued in Creation Part 2)
