DOLIF Theory
Case Studies
- A Boy Who Was Hurting Animals
- A Case of Phobia – The Mice Lady
- A Clumsy Boy
- A Family in Grief
- A Normal Family
- A Successful Woman and Her Brother
- A Suicidal Son
- A Young Man Who Refused to be Controlled by his Mother
- Anorexia & Eating Disorders – Part 1
- Anorexia & Eating Disorders – Part 2
- Anorexia Part 3 – Case Study of an Anorexic
- Case Study with a Disabled Child
- Cases of Identical Twins
- List of Criminals whose crimes can be attributed to Sibling Rivalry
- Reuniting with the Prime Parent
- Some Typical Cases
- The Artists Have It Right
- The Case of Alan Hruby – Part 1
- The Case of Alan Hruby – Part 2 – The Significance of MONEY in Disfavor
- The Case of Bart Whitaker – Part 1
- The Case of Bart Whitaker – Part 2
- The Case of Ted Kaczynski – the Unabomber
- Two Case Studies of 4-Sibling Families
- When Siblings Gang Up
Theoretical
- About The Discovery of DOLIF Theory
- Anxiety, Depression & Anger: Gender Differences
- Anger – The Forgotten Emotion
- Emotions as Percentages – Anxiety
- Emotions as Percentages – Anger
- Emotions as Percentages – Depression
- Family Therapy Using DOLIF
- How Parents and Siblings Really Feel
- Myth Busting in Child Psychology
- Parental Anger and CBT – Part 1
- Parental Anger and CBT – Part 2
- Parental Anger and CBT – Part 3
- Proof of DOLIF Theory – Part 1
- Proof of DOLIF Theory – Part 2
- Pursuit of Parental LOVE – Part 1 and Part 2
- Pursuit Of Parental LOVE – Part 3
- The Causes of Mental Illness, Criminal and Child Behavior
- The DOLIF Explanation Of Anger
- The Key to Motivation
- The Origins of DOLIF Theory – My Personal Story
- The Role of Emotions and Intelligence in Behavior and Personality
- The (Thorny) Question of Research
- The Human Urge to Hide Depression
- Explaining the DOLIF Formula
- WHY on Earth Did You Do It? – Part 1
- WHY on Earth Did You Do It? – Part 2
- Why People Lie
Creation Series
- Creation Part 1 – The Power Of Parental Love
- Creation Part 2 – A Lesson In Favoritism
- Creation Part 3 – Bragging, Teasing and Humiliation
- Creation Part 4 – Developing Opposite and Opposing Personalities
- Creation Part 5 – What is fair, Was it fair, and Is There such a thing as fair??
- Creation Part 6 – Conclusions
All Blog Posts
- Some Typical Cases - Following are a few situations that involve patients who did not come for counseling or suffer from mental illness. They represent average cases of normal people taken from everyday life and the common experiences that impel people to seek out professional...
- A Family in Grief - A man came into my office and related that his wife has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. He said his children are teenagers, and since she went to hospital they will not listen to what he says, and while...
- Family Therapy Using DOLIF - Traditional family therapy addresses all members of a family at once. There may be three, four or more people in the therapist’s office together to discuss the family’s problems. But this begs the question: How does therapy in the office...
- The Biggest Myth of All - In another blog I dealt with dispelling the popular myths and “tips” you see in tabloids about how to improve your life. But now let’s focus on one big misleading belief that concerns the way one should conceptualize life on a...
- Myth Busting in Child Psychology - Following are six popular myths in psychology that pertain to the way we view our children, how we treat them and how we raise them. MYTH #1 THAT CHILDREN WANT OR NEED QUALITY TIME WITH THEIR PARENTS (This myth has largely...
- The Role of Emotions and Intelligence in Behavior and Personality - DOLF Theory is built around a new base of knowledge that uncovers the way the Mind of a Child works. A basic tenet of DOLF is that there is an enormous difference between the Mind of a Child and the Adult...
- The Case of Alan Hruby – Part 1 - The family tragedy of Alan Hruby is a clear case of Favoritism. It happened in 2014, and as a major crime, was reported and reviewed by many television stations. During his high school and college years 19-year-old Alan Hruby, who...
- Anxiety, Depression & Anger: Gender Differences -
- The Artists Have It Right - They say that art mimics life, and artists themselves are an intuitive and Emotional group. In movies, books and fairy tales we find recurring themes of competition, Sibling Rivalry, Favoritism and jealousy. For example, East of Eden is a movie based on John Steinbeck’s novel about...
- Cases of Identical Twins - A mystery that has long baffled scientists is: How is it that identical or monozygotic twins look exactly alike from the outside and have the same DNA, but are so different on the inside in personality and behavior? Recent studies have searched for slight alterations in their...
- A Normal Family - Today I went to see a good friend who is a professional, and we chatted casually while she practiced her trade on me. Because we know each other well, I asked about her family, her husband, son of 15 and...
- The (Thorny) Question of Research - The question of why DOLIF theory grew out of experience and empirical observation rather than conventional laboratory research is one I am continually asked. First, I am filled with gratitude for the years of academic training that gave the groundwork for my interminable curiosity about...
- When Siblings Gang Up - A grandmother came in asking for help with handling her 7-year-old grandson. She said he was about to be expelled from school because the teachers found him impossible to control. She told me several stories about his aggressive behavior, beating...
- Creation Part 1 – The Power Of Parental Love - The story of Creation in the Judeo-Christian bible is reviewed here not because of its religious significance, but because it is a familiar example of a four-person family in which serious interpersonal problems developed. According to the first book of the bible, Genesis, the Lord...
- Parental Anger and CBT – Part 1 - When a child misbehaves, such as by hitting others, stealing or smoking cigarettes, current psychology directs parents to use Cognitive Behavioral methods, or CBT. It makes logical sense to parents when CBT advises them to act as a team, decide on consequences or punishment, and follow through with...
- Reuniting with the Prime Parent - A young man of 19 years came to see me because he was drinking too much and hanging out with friends who were a bad influence. He was tall, thin and pale and he mainly gazed downward. His parents had...
- The Case of Ted Kaczynski – the Unabomber - The first example In the American edition of my book is Ted Kaczynski, a.k.a. The Unabomber. This criminal carried on a seventeen-year killing spree by sending mail bombs to prominent, highly educated individuals, killing three and injuring twenty-three. As the reason for his...
- Creation Part 2 – A Lesson In Favoritism - DOLIF Theory warns us that the Mind of a Child functions by pure Emotion and Instinct. This is contrary to the Adult Mind that is governed by Intelligence, reason and logic. DOLIF alerts us that the first two children in any family are perpetually wrapped up...
- Creation Part 3 – Bragging, Teasing and Humiliation - The story of Cain and Abel is a classic example of SIBLING RIVALRY brought on by a subtle, but very real, variance in parental LOVE. In this biblical tale of Creation about two brothers, their Maker acted as their Prime Love Giving parent or PLG. The offering made by...
- Creation Part 4 – Developing Opposite and Opposing Personalities - DOLIF provides a brand new basis for understanding the development of personality and behavior in human psychology. In essence, it informs us that beginning from early family life, and through instinctive SIBLING RIVALRY, people divide into only two personality types:...
- Creation Part 5 – What is fair, Was it fair, and Is There such a thing as fair?? - The story of Cain and Abel is a perfect example of what parents face every day. It begs the question that if Cain felt his Lord’s action was not fair, WHY did he feel that way? WHY was it fair from...
- WHY on Earth Did You Do It? – Part 1 - In The Mind Of A Child behavior is governed by Emotions and functions very differently from the Adult Mind, which relies on Intellectual logic and reason. Imagine dividing the body at the neck. In the beginning of life when we are babies or little children,...
- WHY on Earth Did You Do It? – Part 2 - To recap from Part 1, the Disfavored personality shows behavior that is under Emotional dominance and lacks policing by the Intellectual faculties. Typical of the Disfavored personality is thinking and behavior that either lacks Social Maturity along the Depression/Anxiety spectrum...
- A Case of Phobia – The Mice Lady - This is the case of a 22-year-old woman with a serious phobia of mice. She was referred by her boyfriend who was worried that her mental problems were becoming so disruptive that they were leading to physical injuries. She was...
- Pursuit of Parental LOVE – Part 1 and Part 2 - DOLIF, the Distribution Of Love In Families, represents almost half a century of this author’s research in child development. The theory was a product of Dr. Vera Rabie’s education, professional psychology practice, hands-on experience raising children, and intimate observation and knowledge of four generations of families. Given the...
- The Key to Motivation - Our lives are riddled with Competition, Rivalry and outright Jealousy! DOLIF alerts us that the urge to compete is is embedded at the primal level of the human psyche. It is a drive that is as archaic as our DNA and...
- The Causes of Mental Illness, Criminal and Child Behavior - THE “WHY” BEHIND ABERRANT BEHAVIOR In DOLIF psychology there are two types of cognition. We are born with the Mind Of A Child where thoughts, decisions and behavior come from the Emotions or our “gut feelings”. At the beginning of...
- The Human Urge to Hide Depression - It seems that humans feel a natural urge to hide feelings of Depression from others. But WHY? The answer reaffirms how Intellectual endowment renders humans so different from animals. Although we don’t really know how animals feel, it seems that the human need to...
- Explaining the DOLIF Formula - In meeting and talking with a client, I am acutely aware of the need to be tactful when introducing DOLIF concepts. Before I broach the topics of Favoritism or SIBLING RIVALRY, I try to make a DOLIF diagnosis of the family by finding out...
- The Case of Bart Whitaker – Part 1 - August 15, 2021 Today I watched a television program on the Identification Discovery (ID) channel. It was about a “perfect” family called the Whitakers who led a very successful, opulent life in Sugar Land, Texas. As a standard four-person family...
- A Suicidal Son - Identifying the Prime Love Giver can often be the key to diagnosing and resolving a family problem. In this example it not only resolved a very serious mental health problem for a child, but was at the same time highly...
- A Clumsy Boy - A large and clumsy-looking 15-year-old boy came in with his mother. He had learning disabilities that had been accurately diagnosed through his school. Testing showed he had poor fine motor skills, which affected his ability to read, write and communicate...
- Why People Lie - DOLIF makes it clear that, contrary to popular belief in current psychology, discipline, punishment, consequences, policing and even the fear of being physically harmed are NOT deterrents to Angry, rebellious behavior! This is because, when misbehavior occurs, there are powerful...
- A Young Man Who Refused to be Controlled by his Mother - A large, strapping 18-year-old boy and his mother stepped into my office. They had been referred by a physician who worked in the same company as the mother, where she held a high administrative position. As mother and son walked...
- Anorexia & Eating Disorders – Part 1 - Anorexia is the most serious of the eating disorders because it deprives the body of essential nourishment, which can bring its owner close to death. When the brain has limited nutrients, thinking and judgement become impaired. Similar behaviors such as...
- Anorexia & Eating Disorders – Part 2 - The grave misunderstanding in the treatment of Eating Disorders such as Anorexia, Obesity or Bulimia is that the struggle does not concern eating at all! To believe that an Anorexic only needs to be taught how to eat, spend hours convincing...
- The Origins of DOLIF Theory – My Personal Story - Emerging from an extensive repertoire of case studies gathered over 40 years and through 4 generations, DOLF, the Distribution Of Love in Families, is a theory that focuses on the Mind of a Child, and is built around the critical...
- About The Discovery of DOLIF Theory - The study of psychology and the development of DOLIF Theory represents my life work. On graduating from university with a doctorate degree in clinical psychology and after having my first child, I could tell there was something seriously wrong with...
- The Case of Bart Whitaker – Part 2 - When reporter Lisa Ling interviewed Bart Whitaker in 2015, her first question was the one on everybody’s mind: “WHY did you do it?” To this Bart clearly replied that, even more compelling than the pressure to live up to his family’s...
- How Parents and Siblings Really Feel - DOLIF takes account of the childish thinking in the Mind of a Child that is hard for adults to fathom. An aspect of the Mind of a Child that is unknown and unsuspected deals with the way that parents, siblings and in particular, Disfavored people really...
- Case Study with a Disabled Child - A gentleman came into my office, and after seating himself, said: “I have a problem but it’s not about me – it’s about my kids.” He related that he has two children: a nine-year-old son who is well and attends...
- A Successful Woman and Her Brother - A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN AND HER BROTHER In one case, a highly accomplished woman in her 40’s came to seek advice about her brother. She had an elderly mother, the father was deceased and a brother who was six years older....
- Anorexia Part 3 – Case Study of an Anorexic - In one instance of severe Anorexia a young woman aged 19 was an in-patient on the psychiatric ward of a hospital. Despite undergoing treatment for nearly two years with two different therapists, there was little change in her status. There...
- Anger – The Forgotten Emotion - Why does DOLIF psychology call Anger “the forgotten Emotion“? If we look at animal behavior, we see that Anger is an important driving force behind behavior. In the animal world we readily find unbridled snarling, teeth-gnashing, snorting and fighting. Yet even though it is...
- The Case of Alan Hruby – Part 2 – The Significance of MONEY in Disfavor - The question of WHY Alan Hruby became obsessed with MONEY is one that applies to many people who are Disfavored. Alan’s behavior in regard to MONEY is actually a universal situation. He did what a great majority of Disfavored people do when they cannot...
- Parental Anger and CBT – Part 2 - Now that we understand how a child perceives the punishment-based training advocated by CBT and have gained a better appreciation of the contrast between the perception and reception of our actions versus our benevolent intentions, let’s examine our own thoughts, feelings and motivations when we...
- Parental Anger and CBT – Part 3 - If we decide to punish a child using CBT instructions based on animal training, we soon find that the road ahead is a bumpy one, since the leap from animals to humans is massive. For animals, once domesticated, are inclined...
- The Third Child - DOLF is a standard, universal and predictable formula. As per the diagram below, it does not change except with the addition of more children. This is because it gets its structure NOT from our common imaginings or personal opinions about behavior, but from the...
- The Fourth Child - DOLF follows the flow of Emotions, specifically MORE LOVE and LESS LOVE, starting with the basic model of a family with two parents and two children. In DOLF the standard pattern in any family is that one of the first two children forms...
- Third Child Concerns - Often talked about and popularized by Birth Order Theory is the “middle child syndrome” that describes middle children as the most agitated and bothersome because they are believed to be ‘squeezed’ between the first and last and get the least...
- Two Case Studies of 4-Sibling Families - Here are two real-life examples of 4-sibling families whom this author observed from the time they were growing up, a span of about 20 years each. The first family came to see me when they had only two children and...
- Vulnerable Third-Born Girls In A Series Of Three Girls - A Case of Three Daughters A woman came into my office and, before we could say our greetings, began sobbing. She was 68 years of age and said she had had a good life raising her 3 daughters. She said...
- The Case Of A Third Daughter With A Severe Anxiety Disorder - A set of concerned parents came to see me with their 8-year-old daughter, the youngest of 3 girls. From our first introduction, it was obvious that the girl had many nervous twitches, such as blinking her eyes, gnashing her teeth...
- The Rest Of The Sibline - How does Sibling Rivalry take place and how is Favoritism distributed in a family of 5 children, or more? As discussed in the blogs about 3 siblings (The Third Child, Third Child Concerns, and The Case Of A Third Daughter With A...
- Phase 1 – The Division Of Parental Roles - As soon as a first child is born, a critical Emotional decision is made that is vital to children but difficult for adults to understand. Parents divide into one...
- Phase 2 – The Beginning Of Sibling Relations - After a year or two, family relationships become settled. PLG and Child 1 engage in a LOVING relationship in their Inner Circle of Love, while the Outer Circle of Love includes the ALG who provides Support, Stability and Security. Over time,...
- Phase 3 – The Development Of Personality And Behavior - Acting on instinct, Emotion-driven thought and primitive reasoning that confines them to their Mind of a Child, the first two children are both burdened by their immature perception of a limited amount of parental LOVE and consumed by their desperation...
- Phase 4 – How Favoritism Develops - In DOLIF psychology instinctual SIBLING RIVALRY and parental Favoritism give rise to divergence in personality and behavior among adjacent siblings. But exactly HOW does this come about? It is well understood that parents have the best intentions to raise their children so they can be proud of them. If...
- A Boy Who Was Hurting Animals - A mother came in with her eight-year-old boy. They both looked sad and angry, the boy frowning. He did not look at me when I greeted him, and when he sat down, turned his head toward the window. The mother...
- Front Page - DOLF stands for the DISTRIBUTION OF LOVE IN FAMILIES. VERA RABIE, Doctor of Psychology, uncovered a new psychological domain called the Mind of a Child that changes our understanding of the human mind. DOLF is like a stream of consciousness that follows Emotions instead of intellect because that...
- Proof of DOLIF Theory – Part 1 - There are several sources of proof that DOLIF Theory is valid and a realistic method to use both to improve family dynamics in normal families, and for treatment purposes with children and adults. The first practical proof is the application...
- Proof of DOLIF Theory – Part 2 - In addition to the factors mentioned in Part 1, support for DOLIF theory comes from its nearly 50-year history and longitudinal design. It is a lifelong project that occupied the author’s personal time, effort and resources for almost half a century. Its...
- List of Criminals whose crimes can be attributed to Sibling Rivalry - 1. Amato, Grant 2. Asvenew, Peter 3. Bishop, Amy 4. Brown, Alvin Bud 5. Caylor, Yvonne 6. Chen, Edward 7. Duck, Kevin 8. Duke, Mark 9. Edwards, Kim (UK) 10. Ellerbee, Richard 11. Ewell, Dana 12. Fry-Pitzen, Amy 13. Hadley,...
- Pursuit Of Parental LOVE – Part 3 - THE PROBLEM WITH OFFERING CHIDREN A “CHOICE” In the Family of...
- The DOLIF Explanation Of Anger - In DOLIF psychology there are 3 essential negative Emotions: Anxiety, Depression and Anger. These three Emotions are built into every person and ready to be used and expressed from the time of birth. The human endowment that complements Emotions is Intellectual potential. This Intellectual power is also immediately available at birth....
- Creation Part 6 – Conclusions - In the parable about Adam and Eve and their sons Cain and Abel, whether one believes its religious message or not, we begin to see through the DOLF lens that the example of this family could well be thought of as a forewarning of how life...
- Treatment Example 2 - Following is an illustration of how identifying the Prime Love Giver resolved a problem with a suicidal child. A family came to see me with their eight-year-old daughter and four-year-old son. The parents had recently decided to have an amicable divorce,...
- Emotions as Percentages – Anxiety - We tend to think that a person in good mental health should experience a minimum of the negative feelings of Anxiety, Depression and Anger. That is, for one who is mentally healthy these 3 Emotions should be at very low levels, or preferably non-existent. In percent form, we can say...
- Emotions as Percentages – Depression - As discussed in the blog about Anxiety, the intensity of any one of the three negative Emotions can be represented as ranging on a scale from 1 to 100. To continue applying this same principle to Depression, at a very low or 0% level of...
- Emotions as Percentages – Anger - As we discussed with Anxiety and Depression in Parts 1 and 2 of Emotions As Percentages, our goal is to create balanced personalities and patterns of behavior in which people interact as “normal” human beings and experience comfortable amounts of Anxiety, Depression and Anger both personally...
- Parental Jealousy – Mother And Daughter - Parental Jealousy – Mother And Daughter Cindy was a lovely sixteen-year-old girl who came in with both her parents. She was tall, very pretty, and looked me squarely in the eye as she stepped into my office. Mother and father...
- Parental Jealousy – Father and Son - Parental Jealousy – Father and Son Here are two examples of fathers who had problems with their sons. Due to jealousy from their fathers, both boys felt forced to leave their family home before they were ready to do so. ...
- A Woman Who Wanted to Protect Her Father - A Woman Who Wanted to Protect Her Father A young woman of 27 years came in and informed me that she was very depressed. She had spent a three weeks as an in-patient at a hospital. Upon her release, she...
- A Family in Grief - A man came into my office and related that his wife has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. He said his children are teenagers, and since she went to hospital they will not listen to what he says, and while...