ABOUT

I earned my BA from McGill University, and Doctor of Psychology degree from the University of Montreal. I later worked in long and short term mental health institutions, adult corrections, youth corrections, education, employee assistance and private practice.

But my most productive years were the ones I spent at home, when I had a chance to closely observe the growth and development of my two daughters. I soon began to question the validity of the two best known psychological theories: Freudian Psychoanalysis, and Cognitive Behavioral Theory (CBT). I was astounded at how unrealistic both were, but soon realized that Behavioral Theory began by observing the behavior of animals, while Freudian Theory had begun by observing the behavior of the mentally ill.

It didn’t take long to conclude that something was seriously amiss when it came to real life experience! After intensely observing my children’s behavior, listening to their complaints, watching them at play and contemplating their Emotional states, I suddenly discovered a hidden, unknown mental-Emotional realm, and called it the Mind of a Child. 

I was surprised to find that this Mind of a Child is a world of raw Emotion and pure Instinct that ALL children occupy ALL the time. Note that they are NOT occupied by this realm in their minds, but actually occupy or live inside it! In other words, it’s NOT an imaginary world. And because children really live inside their Mind of a Child, they DO NOT live with us in our adult world in the same way we do, or in the way we believe they do. However, adults not only have no knowledge or insight into this world, but in fact are inclined to reject the idea that such a realm even exists! It is an alternate world that adults find not only unbelievable, but even threatening or offensive! Yet the irony is that adults should know about this other world because we were ALL once children! WHERE then did the memories of this mysterious domain go, and WHY are they all lost by adulthood? So I combined my observations with my education and professional experience and pioneered an entirely new theory of human mental-Emotional development.

From case studies gathered over 40 years, a new theory about the Distribution Of Love in Families or DOLF slowly emerged. In this theory the operative word is LOVE – more specifically parental LOVE. It is the first psychological theory that takes account of the hidden dimension called the Mind of a Child and, in congruence with this Mind of a Child, is built around the shocking factor of parental Favoritism as in parents LOVING one child more than another. I found that Favoritism is a LOVE force that parents absolutely feel toward their children, but staunchly refuse to admit! And although it conjures up extreme objections, I felt compelled to investigate parent-to-child Favoritism and the Sibling Rivalry or Sibling War that children instinctively conduct over the LOVE of their parents. For as we might expect, Favoritism is always inextricably linked with Sibling Rivalry. Unlike the other theories, I based my theory on actual observations of interactions among real people in real families. Could it be that our rigorous scientific methods have failed us, or missed such an important chapter of developmental psychology? 

The test sample quickly spread from my home, through relatives, friends, colleagues and patients. It then expanded organically to cover historical and biographical accounts in every aspect and walk of life. To my astonishment I could find Sibling Rivalry and associated Favoritism everywhere I looked such as in the arts, literature and movies, some of which are described in the blogs.

To be honest, at first I felt protective of my new discoveries. Yet I found that, despite its unmistakable validity both when I observed it and when I applied it, DOLF Theory is so upsetting to most people that they argue relentlessly against it. “Where’s your research??” they aggressively demand. Parents object strenuously to the mention of Favoritism, which no doubt insults them and provokes their Anger, Shame and Guilt. Educators and mental health professionals find it disrupts their fundamental belief in Cognitive Behavioral Theory (CBT) or Freudianism that have swept psychology and pedagogy for the last century. The most likely reason that people believe in CBT is because punishing children for bad behavior fits neatly into our very human tendency to feel the need to discipline children for bad behavior. We punish our children automatically anyways, without even the need for approval from CBT specialists, even though there is no other known creature in the animal kingdom that does the same. Religion too supports this punishing attitude. At the same time too, society at large repels DOLF theory because of it’s emphasis on rivalry, competition, jealousy and envy among people – feelings that are associated with negative Emotions that we find hard to acknowledge and accept in ourselves and others. Socially speaking as well, there is the fear of noxious sinister forces, such as bad luck and evil eyes. Finally, people in the Western world are more recently steeped in their belief that genetics and DNA are responsible for the differences in their children. “He’s just like his father with his quick temper”, or “See? She’s just like me – that’s why we get along (or not)!”

Besides the proof of my concepts in the blogs and case studies, one response to objections to my empirical approach is that I’m NOT the creator of the rules of DOLF theory, which are fixed, permanent, have never changed and will never change throughout the course or existence of the human race. Rather I am merely the observer and reporter of the phenomenon. And since I am absolutely positive about the validity of DOLF theory but cannot hope to disseminate it conclusively within my lifetime, I have made it my goal to merely offer DOLF as a theory at this point in time, and leave it for others to prove or disprove.

There is only one structured longitudinal research study that I read over 40 years ago during my university years, and never forgot. It was an experiment that hoped to shed light on Sibling Rivalry, though it did not address Favoritism. It is the work of Dr. Judy Dunn, a psychologist and professor who started out at Kings College, Cambridge University, London and later moved to the United States to teach at Harvard University. In her early years Dr. Dunn had conducted a very insightful long-term study of young women who had given birth to their first child, and were pregnant with their second. With her intuitive understanding, Dr. Dunn intended to follow this thread of research by documenting the reactions of first-born children to the birth of their sibling. She no doubt anticipated some distress on the part of both children. However, around the time that Dr. Dunn moved to Harvard, her pursuit of this line of research unfortunately ended. In the opinion of the author Dr. Dunn is a highly skilled researcher who had come closest to understanding the minds of children and unlocking the secrets behind their sibling relationships. 

Several sources of proof of the validity of DOLF Theory are presented in the blogs titled: Sources of Proof.