The Ultimate Conclusions

What then are the surprising conclusions we reach using the understanding of psychological functioning gathered from applying DOLF?

1. Nature vs Nurture

By far the most far-reaching conclusion of DOLF theory is that PEOPLE ARE NOT BORN TO BE WHO THEY ARE, BUT MADE TO BE WHO THEY ARE BY VIRTUE OF THEIR SOCIAL EXPERIENCES AND SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT, MOST ESPECIALLY THEIR PARENTS!

While this viewpoint may sound disruptive toward the more recent thrust of ideas that nature, genetics or DNA are the supreme movers and are most responsible for the behavior and personality patterns of human beings, and while it proposes that we as the bearers and raisers of our children should be held accountable for the personality and behavioral outcomes of our children, the proof of the pudding is, as always, in the eating. If I can easily suggest actions that will alter and even reverse behavior and personality in record time through the use of the human interactive techniques suggested in DOLF, then behavior and personality can certainly not be attributed to the fixed factor of heredity!

DOLF promotes a NURTURE over nature perspective, or the contribution of the environment over genetics in the study of psychological development, even though in recent times we have incurred an overbearing faith in genetics and heredity, which aligns well with our intuitive belief that behavior is the main indicator of one’s mental health or illness. Our new conclusion attacks the belief system we have held for so long! Yet while admittedly uncomfortable, once the hump of “belief” is overcome and the effects of DOLF are implemented, the reader will be astounded by its long range positive implications that will be substantial, long lasting and have a permanent effect on psychological development.

DOLF suddenly alerts us to the importance of environmental input into human development and the degree to which experiences in the real world, particularly those social interactions inside our first family, influence us to become who we are in behavior and personality. From there, DOLF provides the adults in charge, mainly parents, with the opportunity to shape the lives of their offspring and chart a better course of action for future generations. DOLF disrupts current thinking and puts power back into our hands as parents, educators, mental health professionals and society in general, to control most aspects of the destiny and futures of our children, as well as all diagnostics and treatment, and hence the future of all humankind.

2. Taking Account of Favored and Disfavored Characteristics

At some point in the future, using DOLF theory to predict personality on the basis of Favoritism, we should be able to outline the general personality traits of people whom we raise as Disfavored, in contrast with those whom we raise as Favored. What are the strengths and weaknesses of each one, and how can we use these traits productively to enhance the way we integrate Favored and Disfavored people into our society? For example if Disfavored people tend to be more socially successful, value money more than Favored people and are more socially manipulative and shrewd, are they not more suited to becoming lawyers and salespeople and run businesses? And if Favored people are generally more naive, accepting and generous of spirit while overall less socially and financially successful, are they not better suited to becoming our academics, social workers and educators?

3. Taking Account of the Conflict that is Built into Family Life

If as we learn from DOLF, conflict is built into family life, should we not work with it rather than try to oppose it?

DOLF reasoning seems to lead us to confirm this broad conclusion which, when analyzed in depth, generally fits the Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang. This is the idea that everything in life is governed by a rule of opposites. Some simple examples of such opposing elements in life are black vs white, up vs down, in vs out, push vs pull, hard vs soft, as well as some more complex ones such as democracy vs. autocracy, good vs. evil, health vs. disease, and so on. As such then, the conflict we see in families as per DOLF may be one more example of factors that are built into life and that are opposites and cannot be avoided.

To explain, if there are natural, inevitable divisions, oppositions and conflicts built into every family, first, between parents in their divergent roles as PLG and ALG, and secondly between the first two children who are subject to their natural instincts to compete for positioning in their parents’ eyes – leading to sibling rivalry, Favored and Disfavored positions and opposing temperaments – the question arises as to whether we should be trying to work against these trends, or whether it is not more reasonable to accept them and try to work within the limitations they delineate! That is, since these drives are spurred by unalterable inborn instincts, is it not more reasonable to try to work within the confines of the restrictions they impose rather than deny that we are subject these forces, suffer their consequences and fight against them? Surely it makes little sense to try to counteract these fundamental urges, but makes much more sense to cooperate and work within the structure they set up for us! For example, if we anticipate and accept that parents will be at odds with each other in respect to their child-rearing beliefs and attitudes, then parents should not object to each other’s parenting styles. And if we accept that children will naturally take opposite positions and turn out with completely different personalities, we should change our LOVE dynamics to even out the LOVE that is drifting toward each child in order to balance their behavior and personalities.

4) Recognizing There Are Only Two Personality Types

If as per DOLF theory, families only turn out children who have Favored or Disfavored dispositions, then we are led to conclude that there are only two personality types in human experience: One is the Favored personality that brings with it gentleness, docility and civility, and the other is the Disfavored personality that leads to various expressions of the 3 essential negative human feelings: Anger, Depression and Anxiety. From this it follows that Disfavor is far more likely to lead to the negative social outcomes we commonly observe in terms of criminality, substance abuse and mental illness. This is not to say that Favored people do not suffer from these same difficulties, but simply that due to their stronger basic emotional constitution, they are less likely to fall into these tracks, and even if they do, are likely to withstand them better and can more easily return to a path of recovery.

We might say there are actually 3 personality types, the third one consisting of a combination of Favored and Disfavored characteristics. It is a personality type that is typical of the third child in any family of three children. It is also the goal and ideal personality type that is the aim of any child-rearing practice that utilizes DOLF theory as its guide.

That is, the ideal personality consists of a combination of Favored and Disfavored traits in both the first and second born child in any family.

This personality outcome would be the result of a DOLF recommended child-rearing practice in which the PLG parent would shift and transfer loving feelings back and forth between the first and second children in order to smooth out their emerging personality characteristics and would lead to personalities in children where there is a combination of Favored and Disfavored traits. In this instance there would be Favored people who have sufficient Anger, Depression and Anxiety built into their personalities to enable them to defend themselves under social challenge. At the same time there would be Disfavored people whose personalities were not infused with so much Anger or Depression or Anxiety to disable them, but just sufficient to permit them to function productively too. It would be an ideal balancing of all personalities in society.