The first example in the American edition of the book is Ted Kaczynski. In a killing spree fueled by rage, Ted sent mail bombs to university professors and other executives, killing 3 and injuring 23. As the reason for his malicious acts, he proffered a liberalist manifesto he sent to newspapers for publication. It was a case that stumped the FBI for 17 years and puzzled anyone who was familiar with Ted and his family.
No lack of intellectual capability in Ted’s case. He was a child prodigy with a genius IQ who graduated from Harvard with a doctorate degree in mathematics. But what was behind his turn to criminality? How did it originate, and why did it suddenly erupt in adulthood after his many socially-acclaimed career accomplishments, and seemingly out of nowhere? Did it truly come from the beliefs he flaunted in his manifesto, or might there be deeper reasons for his actions?
We can readily explain his case using our knowledge about DOLF, the Distribution Of Love in Ted’s Family of Origin.
Like most others, I had never heard of Ted Kaczynski until his public infamy. I only knew what I read in the newspapers – that there was a massive manhunt for him, he was the elder of two brothers, and his younger brother, David, was the one who finally turned him in to authorities after recognizing his style of jargon in the manifesto. The main DOLF clue came when I saw Ted’s brother David and his mother in a newsreel walking toward the courthouse where Ted would plead his case. In that brief moment of film David and his mother were surrounded by media in a highly charged atmosphere. They were walking toward the courtroom to face the destruction caused by their now notorious family member, who no doubt suddenly seemed to be a stranger to them. I was taken aback by the starkness of the family dynamics! My eyes were instantly drawn to a little corner where I was struck by the sight of LOVE in plain view between Mrs. Kaczynski and David: their hands were clutched together in a somber gesture of LOVE, an obvious sign of mutual support!
In the world of the Distribution Of Love in Families it made perfect sense to me. My immediate thought was “Aha! I thought so!”, that is, this clutch of hands represented the epicenter of love in the Kaczynski family. It was in that tender grasp that most of the love – that precious, life-affirming but invisible cloud of LOVE – was concentrated. Just like the LOVE that was handed down to Adam by his LORD! And of course Ted was not included in this circle of LOVE between his mother and David! Ted was the outsider, the outcast, frozen out and betrayed, cheated from his legitimate entitlement to that LOVE. In Ted’s mind his brother had robbed him of the LOVE that was available to them in the family. David had won the most important war in life for any child, and this was the loss that had formed his psyche for the remainder of his life.
Given the warmth that was obvious in that tiny circle of LOVE between Mom and David, how deep and intense must Ted’s longing have been? No matter his intelligence, wit, or philosophical views; these are all extraneous issues, irrelevant, and moot. They just don’t matter in the face of the coveted, precious LOVE he missed out on while growing up in his Family of Origin. In DOLF theory, the Anger, Depression and Anxiety aroused by Ted’s burning desire to win that love, festering over a lifetime, is the motivation behind his vengeful acts of aggression.
Kindly forgive me if I repeat myself, but this is key. What matters in life to a child – any child – is only and exclusively that precious commodity of LOVE in the family. In the mind of a child, there is nothing else that is worth living for, and s/he wants nothing more than to win this LOVE from the Prime Love Giving parent in their family. Picture children wearing blinders that focus their attention only and exclusively on that one parent, the PLG. For them, this is the source of all the sustenance and nurturance in life. Adults must come to understand and accept that the main thought that consumes the emotional life of any child at all times is to find out where love is concentrated, who is supplying it, and who is receiving it. And in their quest to win that love, they will engage, by any and all means at their disposal, in a conflict with their immediately adjacent sibling whom they perceive as a threat to their desperate need to claim all that love for themselves alone. For a child, the only question is: Which one of us, me or my next born sibling, can elicit that LOVE from our PLG, and how? Who will get to own it and win this war, and who will be left behind, desperate, bloody and whimpering?
For any child, herein lies the very essence and purpose of life. Starting from very early in life, over time their personalities become tainted with the three basic negative human feelings of Anxiety, Depression and Anger. Their personalities and behavior are slowly and gradually DESIGNED, yes TAILORED and built around matching or fitting the needs and circumstances they perceive around them.
In Ted’s case, using DOLF analysis we come to recognize that he was not the recipient of the love that was available in his family, or at least, not enough to satisfy his need for warmth and comfort as a child compared with his younger brother David. Ted felt cheated – the same sense of short-changing one feels when given a lesser amount money than they legitimately deserve. He got the short end of the stick, and it may have happened for any reason. It could be that his brother was more eloquent, better looking, more able to engage the sympathies of their PLG, behaved in more “cute” ways as a child, etc. etc. But what adults must recognize as well is that Ted’s brother David, a child himself, was also complicit in this conspiracy. David’s personality too became tailored and constructed to suit the same needs, but diverged from his brother. It went in the opposite direction. Rather than becoming hardened, angry and rebellious, the result of feeling Anxious, Depressed and Angry inside for his failure to elicit the love of his parents, he became soft, gentle, people-pleasing, sociable, lovable, easy-going, and so on. The division in personality types between David and Ted is simple, though more stark than normal. It exactly follows the common predictable pattern found in every set of two firstborn siblings. Regardless whether it is the older or younger one, there is one who appears either hard-hearted and troublesome, or depressed, withdrawn and difficult to engage, such as Ted, while the other takes on a soft, communicative, easy-to-handle character structure, like David. Naturally behavior, the overt expression of personality, follows. Incidentally in this context, how much sense does it make to say that we “love the child, but don’t like her/his behavior”? No much!
Knowing this, we can surmise that Ted carried the intense anger of a child, frustrated by the proverbial carrot stick or lollipop, and is barred from possessing it however hard he tries. To say he remained immature and did not develop emotionally beyond that point would be absolutely correct. Going by DOLF theory which notes the integration of emotions with intelligence through childhood like a double helix, we may say that Ted remained immature and his anger stayed hidden deep inside him, where it festered until it finally exploded.
Note this is not to say his parents faltered in their duties or were in any way to blame for his shortcomings. Not at all. They probably did their best to avoid marginalizing him from the family, or at least, letting him feel like an outsider. It is because, before the discovery of DOLF and its exposure on website, parents were not educated to be sensitive to the distribution of love in their family. They simply do not perceive the emotional dynamics between him and his brother, and if they did, they certainly didn’t appreciate the full intensity of it. Nor would they have known how to overcome it. But the dynamic itself is simple. If we leave the children to their own devices, one sibling will overpower the other on a social level. There is a winner and a loser. One becomes the more loved or Favored one, forming a strong bond with the Prime Love Giving parent, while the other remains less loved or Disfavored, meaning that the bond and loving relationship with the Prime Love Giver is weaker.
In contrast to Ted, it is evident that David did acquire his share of the love in his family. I am not certain whether it came from the mother or the father, but to all appearances, I would guess that it came from his mother. The result is that he developed a fine and gentle personality, one that is commendable and admirable, one of which society is proud. David, now a teacher married to a social worker (or vice versa), now leads an exemplary life, and lectures about his experiences to educate others in the hope of finding solutions.