Here is a clear case of favoritism that happened in 2014, a major crime that was reviewed by prominent television stations. During his high school and college years Alan Hruby began to spend money very liberally, living “the high life” and regularly splurging on brand name watches, jewellery, travel, cars, etc. When his parents ran out of money for him, he turned to defrauding his mentally compromised grandmother. When that ran out, he decided the best way to feed his money hunger was to kill his parents and get his hands on his inheritance. If he killed his sister too, he would be entitled to inherit the entire estate.
So Alan came home from college one day and did his dirty work, killed off the mother and sister, then sat amid the blood and gore, waited for his father to come home, and finished him off too. He must have thought it was a brilliant plan at the time, but when you look at his behavior carefully, could there really have been a plan? Was any intellectual power implemented here?
Alan showed not a shred of remorse, according to those who observed and questioned him afterwards, although he confessed quite readily upon investigation. Later he seemed remorseful when he realized he had ruined his own life and would be spending the rest of his life in jail.
There were only two children in this family, a perfect 4-person DOLF model family. So in DOLF we look for the sibling, and find the hidden secrets there. His sister was a star athlete and excelled at everything she did, so we can easily surmise she was the apple of her parents’ eye. We don’t know who the Prime Love Giving parent was, but it would not be far-fetched to assume that Alan was Disfavored by comparison with his sister’s impeccable performances.
Why did Alan become obsessed with money? Because he substituted what a great majority of Disfavored children, as well as adults, do when they can’t find love. They search outside the family for the social recognition they lacked inside the family. And in that search for social acclaim and popularity, they turn to their peer group to find that substitute “family” that might give them approval. In many cases they cling to the money and material goods to attract attention to themselves and show off to their friends. They might join a gang or, alternatively, do daring deeds to gain attention. Of course, from our perspective, it all seems so nonsensical. But to them, it finally feels like success. And it feels soooooooooo wonderful to be so admired and followed and the center of attention by their peers. The feeling is a drug. It’s overwhelming. It puts them in a drunken stupor. They love it, love being in that mode and in the spotlight, an advantage they never experienced at home. Its intoxicating! Only happiness and bliss floods over them now, while all negativity disappears, even for those brief precious moments while they feel the power of the high. It feels soooooooooo good that they become addicted to it!
But what they seek is not really money. Money is just a substitute, a temporary fix. LOVE IS the real quest, the ultimate drug. To be loved is to achieve the pinnacle in life. It is the most precious commodity in life, above all else. We are born searching for love through our most basic instinct. But when love is insufficient or inaccessible and cannot be obtained for any reason, especially IF THERE IS SOMEONE IN THE WAY who prevents that LOVE from being claimed and possessed by its seeker, the urge is transferred to the next most socially desirable commodity that can fill all that burning desire for unrequited love, respect and prestige. And that secondary desirable commodity in life, the only one that can fill in, even temporarily for LOVE is MONEY.
Money is the next best thing to LOVE. When love is unattainable, money becomes a viable alternative. Money brings attention and power. It brings people’s admiration and acclaim. People follow the money. It can buy you all the things that impress those around you, things that are rare, things people seek, want, treasure, hoard and will compete for. If you have money, people put you up on a pedestal and worship you. And it feels great – for a while – as long as you can keep paying them the price to keep up your lifestyle.
Alan longed for LOVE and turned instead to money and material goods to fill the void inside him. But when he tried to fill that gap he found he never had enough. He was never satisfied because, especially for a child, nothing takes the place of their parents’ LOVE. No amount of money or goods is enough to fill that emptiness inside, that sadness, that desperate need and longing for the unconditional LOVE of a parent. What Alan really wanted was his sister’s place in his mother’s or father’s heart, but that was apparently out of reach because she filled that spot so completely and so competently with all her achievements.
But nobody ever knew Alan’s true motivations, and Alan himself might never tell you if you asked him. He probably did not, and may not know now, about his own deep desire to replace his sister in his parents’ hearts. That would have had to be brought out by a therapist who understands the DOLF method. But now the parents are dead, and the sister too, so all we have to work with is poor Alan himself, alone and lost in the world because his emotions overtook his intellectual capacity. Would it do him good to explain that he was Disfavored now that he sits in jail? Perhaps, but it won’t bring back what was lost. And the irony is that he was never a violent young man. He just had an overwhelming urge to fill his void within his family situation. He could probably go on an become a productive member of society because he didn’t actually have hatred or resentment of anyone but his immediate family members. And now they’re all dead. So if we were to interview Alan today we would only find evidence of pure emotion, the kind that matches the three standard negative feelings that are at the core of DOLF theory: Anxiety, Depression, Anger. Yet by DOLF reasoning if we were to treat Alan today and after he accepts the explanation of his true motivations in therapy, we could surmise that he is not likely to be a menace or a threat to the rest of society, and we could reasonably think about releasing him in time, that is, unless our priority is to make sure he is punished enough to fit the crime.
But more importantly, could this tragedy have been prevented? Sure, if his parents had seen a DOLF therapist who would have admonished them to restructure their pattern of LOVE in the home, and extend more of it to Alan. More attention and LOVE from his PLG through a DOLF outlook could have solved the problem in its infancy. But of course, all that people can see on the outside is the deed, the behavior that seems so out of line, so extreme, so unthinkable. How could this happen, people say? What kind of animal instincts could spur this type of extreme behavior? Yet the DOLF explanation is so simple. When it comes to human psychology and the human instinct to find LOVE and HOG it at all costs, all it takes is a little Favoritism to light the fire of Anger in a child! There was no logic, no reasoning, and no interference of intellectual power with the actions that resulted. So no need for a diagnosis. Just a severely Disfavored child.